Today I want to talk about something that has sat heavily with me lately. Several subjects have been on my mind but this one was on my mind a lot today! When the studio was nothing more than some ideas on a sheet of paper, we discussed what we wanted to call this idea. We chose the name Mother Rising for several reasons, but mainly we wanted it to be an uplifting space for women to gather and we wanted the name to represent ALL women not just those who were expecting. You see, women, no matter what age need to be supported. We need each other, and here is why-
I became a mother a pretty young age. Most of my peers were not having children yet, which made it hard to find “mom friends.” The women I felt most supported by during my pregnancy were my mother, grandmother, a few neighbor ladies, and a childbirth educator (whom by the way, was the first one to introduce me to the word Doula!) I can remember dropping my daughter off at daycare surrounded by older mothers and never was a conversation had between us. I can also remember later on standing at my daughter’s ballet classes surrounded by chatty mothers planning their next get together and bringing each other coffees while they waited. I didn’t fit in. At this point I was neither young nor older. Perhaps I feared judgment and perhaps they did as well. As my children got older I started making friends with other parents, but was always looking for the moms that seemed to be the same age as me. One day, I sat next to a woman at my son’s football game. She was older than me and well dressed. I don’t remember what I was wearing but considering my five children and crazy work hours I can only imagine I was quite disheveled! We talked briefly about our children out on the football field before I found out that she was a Psychologist. I immediately felt intimidated. I really liked her but wondered how could we be friends? We have nothing in common. Part of me still felt like I was that young girl with a baby in her arms even though I am surely not anymore! How silly of me to assume that we had no common ground. We are both mothers and we are both women! We have a lot in common! after many discussions we realized that we have many similar interests and passions. A beautiful friendship had blossomed between her and I and we have even joked about our age difference with her believing that I could be her daughter!
See, we need each other. Mothers need each other. Women need each other. We are a village working to raise not only children but mothers! I have had the opportunity to chat with a few women recently whose children were grown. Some told me that they were not having babies anymore so they wouldn’t be any help or need our services but that couldn’t be further from the truth. As a young mother I could have used an older mother’s guidance and I could have used a friend regardless of their age. I have also noticed that many women, even those who are grandmothers enjoy sharing their stories of becoming a mother and obstacles they overcame. Some didn't realize the trauma that they had experienced until they were able to be open and have their feelings validated. I’ve also had my share of clients who were starting their families later in life, many not by choice. They too at a place of in between much like I was. They are surrounded by younger mothers at their birth classes while the women their age are heading to PTO meetings. We cannot and should not assume that because a women is a different age that we cannot connect with her, that we cannot find comfort or learn from one another.
I hope that this post will encourage you to reach out to each other. When you see that mama at the dance class who is either younger or older than you, talk to her. Build relationships that are wholesome based off of womanhood and parenthood. Your age does not matter. Your education level does not matter. Your marital status does not matter. You are both women and you have so much to offer one another!
We welcome you to come to our Women's Circles, Birth Story Circles and Young Parents Circles. Come support one another and make friends in the process. Check our calendar for dates and times.
Danielle Breach CD(DONA)
Co-Founder of Mother Rising Women's Studio